Woah, Nellie! Slow down your relationship!

fullsizerender-5I need you to stick with me as you read this post. I need to say as a disclaimer that I do not believe everyone man that does the type of things that will be discussed in this post has a hidden agenda. So please, no haters! The purpose of me writing this post is because we need to be aware of certain actions, in the wrong type of person, can definitely not be good for us.  WE will end up with a broken heart.

So who doesn’t like a “Good Morning, Beautiful” text? Who doesn’t like a “Goodnight, Sexy” text. And the on-going communication all day long. The compliments. The attention.  The stuff that makes you think…this guy really likes me! He is so into me. Yippee!

Here’s what I have seen and learned. Rushing the emotional end of a relationship rarely leads to a long-term relationship. I have experienced this and I have seen it first hand. Think about it…if you fall in love in a matter of week/s…what are you falling in love with? The person? How do you really know them or they you, to really love YOU? I will say I have seen 1 exception to this…but out of all the relationships I have seen come and go…just 1. It happens to be someone in my family…but truly the exception and I tell them all the time…you two are just weird, lol!

I have recently begun learning about narcissistic behavior. In my research I was led to a mental health care practitioner that has put together a series of Youtube videos on different types of narcissists that she has seen in her job and her own personal experience.  I will include her link for you at the end of the post.  She identifies in her first video the narcissist she calls The Love Bomber.

Literally, you are bombarded with love and attention. There is constant communication. There are continual compliments. He appears to be 100% all-in right away. No games…you are being told right away how awesome, beautiful and wonderful you are. You not only text most of the day; you even talk on the phone; sometimes for hours. You cannot get enough…You are told he has “never felt this way before”. The guy is Prince Charming, right out of Cinderella (that’s my fave!). He is funny. He is kind. He sends you cute messages.  He is in awe of everything about you (well, duh!).  You two are having the best sex you have ever had…like wowza! AND…in a short matter of time you are feeling loved, being told you are loved…and guess what…you have fallen in love, too.

SHIT! This is crazy! How can this be? Your head is spinning. You are on cloud 9. Your prayers for meeting Mr. Right have been answered…………until it doesn’t work out. And you are so emotionally attached that you can’t leave.  So when things begin to happen down the road that for you may not sit well…SWEEP, SWEEP. Right under the rug…You begin to be OK with behaviors or actions that you may not normally, “Because you are in love”.  Because what a Love Bomber Narcissist does is sucks you in emotionally. All of these actions, while in a normally paced relationship are wanted and reciprocated between two people…are done to lure you in. It’s somewhat of a game perhaps, because if you have ever known a narcissist; they wreak of manipulative head games. You may not see it early on because you are being emotionally manipulated….Get it? This is why you need to go slow!!!!!  In this fast paced relationship that has just evolved in 2,4, or even 6 weeks…You won’t be true to yourself.  I say this from experience.  I am not pointing fingers…in my last relationship things went too fast and guess what? We aren’t together anymore! And when I wasn’t getting what I needed out of the relationship, I stayed. I still smack myself upside the head. True story. And yes Mom…you can say “I told you so!”

The reality is, life is long (God willing). Why are we rushing? I used to think because I am about to be 50 I had to hurry up and find Mr. Right…and it hurt like hell to lose what I thought was so perfect. Ripped my heart out, TBH. So my friends, go slooooowwww. Pull the reigns in. Enjoy the ride. Smell the flowers and let your love develop over time. I know the next time I will. But the reality is, if we don’t realize that 99.9% of the time the fast whirl-wind romance is too good to be true, we will be breaking our hearts over and over again.  For you men reading, yes women can have the same behavior; but I am speaking from a woman’s perspective on this.

Sisters…find your Prince…but if the frog you kiss seems legit…take your time…remember the end goal is to find a lasting relationship…take time to build a foundation of learning and knowing the person first and foremost. I will do the same!

Be Well and Be Blessed my friend!


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