Can we all agree that the rules of dating have changed? Since being in the dating world, back in the olden days of the early 1990’s, (dang I feel old!)…the dating dynamics are so very different. First of all, WE DIDN’T HAVE SOCIAL MEDIA!!! I think maybe pager’s were around, but honestly when I saw a guy wearing a pager, I have to admit I thought he was a geek. Famous last words because I tend to find the geek look somewhat sexy now, lol! But this has nothing to do with this post, lol!
I actually want to de-bunk a few dating rules that have been imposed upon me in my last 2 years of single-dom. I’m sure there are more…but these few stand out to me. So here goes. And keep in mind, I’m a NY’er at heart, so let’s just say I am a direct, no-game playing girl that is “what you see is what you get.” It’s a mixed blessing, trust me!
Rule Number 1: Don’t Text First! Bull$hit! Why not? If you meet a new gal pal and want to go out with her again because she was so much fun, don’t you text her? Why can’t this social grace be applied to a man you have met out or went on a date with? Honestly, if you meet someone, you like someone, and you want to say hi to them, by golly, send the damned text! So much energy goes into the text messages between us girls about “should I”, “maybe I’ll wait until after lunch so I don’t look to eager.” Crap like that. Ladies…it’s OK to send a “hello text”. It’s not OK to send 5 or 6 texts in a row if he hasn’t answered…then I think you border on cray-cray. Now here is my sub-rule to all of this…If I find I am the only one initiating the text messages all of the time, then I am pursuing and THAT I won’t do. If there is reciprocation in the texting/calling world than I don’t mind what-so-ever sending the first text. Ladies, we are allowed to exhibit confidence and interest to the guy we want to potentially date. I just think this rule is for pansies.
Rule Number 2: Don’t Have Sex Until the 3rd Date! I call maybe Bull$hit! This is a touchy subject. We ladies all say upon one of us going out on a first date…”Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” WE say this tongue-in-cheek, but know it can very well happen. Well let me tell you, most of what I have seen in the post-40 year old dating world, this is happening. Think about it…we ladies are in our prime and quite frankly the libido can be off the charts. So if there is chemistry, it often happens. I don’t know what else to say. And those that decide to have sex on a first or second date aren’t sluts, whores, cougars, or whatever judgmental word one may deem this behavior. But many women that have been through a divorce are now very aware of their sexual prowess and if they find someone they want to have fun with and it’s mutual…well, we are all grown adults. It happens, it isn’t a definite; but it just does. Two grown adults can make an informed decision and therefore I don’t think this is a dating rule, per se. One can argue if you give up the goods to early then that becomes the focus of the new relationship. On the other hand one can also argue that learning the sexual chemistry early on only enhances what is already becoming a great relationship. You pick what works for you. And as a public service announcement as one in the public health arena, practice safe sex people!
Rule Number 3: Don’t Discuss Long Term Relationship Goals! B-to-the-S $hit! Why, you ask? Isn’t dating supposed to be no pressure and fun? Learn about each other; blah, blah, blah?! While that is true, if you know you are a “get married before we cohabitate” type; then don’t you want to know if someone is thinking along the same lines as you? Would you go on a second date if they aren’t? If they want kids and that’s a deal breaker and you don’t…are you going to go on another date? Seriously, my time is precious. I know what I want long-term, and if the person I’m talking to doesn’t see themselves ever ending up with someone down the road…”Why am I eating a burger with you when I could be home in my comfy sweats watching The Voice?” It boils down to being comfortable knowing what you want. At the age we are in this dating game, we need to know what we want for our future.
So, I have decided that we make our own damn rules for what works for us! That’s what I do. I own them. I am confident in the decisions I make. I have no shame in the conversations I have. Talking to all these frogs about stuff is important to see if I’ll even kiss them in the first place…let alone the rest that may follow! And as they say…if you can’t kiss…well…enough said!
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Be Well and Be Blessed!
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