This objective view is written for my friend. Watching someone you love – and I do love my sister-tribe like family, is very hard. She went through a long two weeks of heart break. I have written my observations of what I saw. She has agreed to let me write this and she too hopes you can learn from this as she has.
Letting go was hard. I get it…don’t you? You fall for someone and you just can’t accept the outcome because frankly, you don’t understand the why. I had my suspicions, but I had to listen and support…that’s my job until asked otherwise. And let me tell you…my friends know if they ask they will get the 100% honest answer from my heart; so they have to be ready for a raw, unadulterated opinion or piece of advice.
What I want to write about are the Red Flags that were showing up all over the map. As an objective, armchair quarterback; it sure was easy for me to see them. But for her, not so much…and I have been in her shoes before and couldn’t see the Red Flags being thrown all over the place…I think we have all been there…and if you haven’t…Congratulations – you are lucky!
LOVE BOMBING: I already wrote about this in a previous post http://www.yougottakissalotoffrogs.com/woah-nellie-slow/. It was too much too soon…Non-stop texting; continual text images of love quotes. Messages of Youtube videos of sensual songs that “remind me of you baby”. Too much too soon: RED FLAG!
A quote from her: I asked him early on not to say anything he didn’t mean and not to be trying to make me fall in love with him if he didn’t intend for this relationship to be serious. He begged me to trust him…he asked me to take his hand and just let myself fall with him and told me in his own words, “I know exactly what I’m doing.”
MOMMY ISSUES: The man was dumb enough to tell her that his mother told him he shouldn’t be dating her. Hmmm…really…you talked to your Mommy about her already? Here were the answers Mommy had an issue with: Race. She wouldn’t accept that my friend was not the same race. She also said my friend came with baggage because she was close to 10 years older (I have HOT MAMA friends!) and had children and was married for a long time. So let’s get this straight…Dumbass thinks this was a good conversation to have with his girlfriend after 3 weeks? Let’s say this issue never left the table and caused churn from then on…But he was quick to say he and his Mom were never close and she favored the other brother…OHHHH I smell Mommy issues….RED FLAG!
EX-WIFE: He kept mentioning she wanted to get back together…Again…why are you telling the new girlfriend you are desperately trying to get to fall in love with you that the ex wants you back. Do you really think we women are that comfortable knowing this…there is a history there we can’t compete with…not to mention children…Good Lord dude…Idiot with an ex-wife that isn’t happy he is dating…RED FLAG!
IMMATURITY: Let’s all agree that age doesn’t always dictate the maturity of others. I believe our life experiences mold us and how we then relate and react to the good, bad, and the ugly in life. This guy was younger, and it was clear he had some high-school mentality lurking within. “Wah, Wah, Wah…I can’t see you so I don’t know if I can handle the distance.” Hmmm…you knew the distance when you started dating…but now it’s not convenient. Do you want to know why this became an issue folks: because he hooked her in with the hot and heavy and a month into it he now starts to pull-away…
He even talked about getting a place closer to me and giving me a key. THIS he told me three times…one right before he broke up with me
This is a text book narcissist…Ugh I saw it…it was painful to watch! Then a situation arose that he completely misunderstood and do you know what his reaction was….and let’s keep in mind that he had already indicated “love was in the air”. He flipped…He texted a good-bye text to break up and in that text professes his love…WTF!? He blocks her number, blocks her on facebook and instagram and even blocked me! LOL! How old is this kid?! That right there was enough for me. But this was no joke and my friend was devastated. Oh, and I was pissed. A mad girl and a sad girl in one room with wine really can’t lead to anything good, TBH! Poor Conflict Resolution and pre-mature promises: RED FLAG!
LET’S STILL SEE EACH OTHER: You can’t make this up. He breaks up with her, blocks her and you guessed it…the apology text comes…”I’m sorry. I over reacted…I love you…I can’t stop thinking of you…Can you come see me?! The pattern of the addiction cycle of a narcissist: be nice, over-react, have remorse, apologize…and so it goes over and over. They continue to talk for two more weeks and saw one another 3X while broken up: UGH! Wants his cake and eat it too: RED FLAG!
I CAN’T SEE YOU: So after two weeks of him trying to get a little ‘something, something” without the commitment anymore, my friend decides to have the final talk so she can get closure. She tried to make a time to meet…he cancelled. They rescheduled…he cancelled again. Let me wrap my head around this…you always want to see her, then you break-up and want to see her, but now you won’t see her. Hmmm….have you found someone else?! YUP!!!! Later that day he “accidentally” sent a pic-collage of him kissing and loving on the new girl to my friends number…which was during the day that my friend was trying to meet up with him. OMG!!! He then texts her an apology for sending the picture accidentally and for lying to her about why he couldn’t see her. That entire scenario: RED FLAG.
No one is perfect. After marriages or broken relationships we have some really nice baggage. Personally, I like mine to be Hartman luggage, lol! But we have to be true to ourselves and not let our emotions take over. I have a hard time doing that, but each time I get braver and better to say, NO; this isn’t for me. Let’s realize when those flags are being thrown in front of us like an over-zealous referee at a JV Varsity Football game. Pay attention. In the long run, you will be glad you did. My friend will be just fine because she is beautiful, kind, graceful, successful, sexy, loving, funny, intelligent and has a heart bigger than the universe. I wanted her to kick this frog to the curb much sooner… but we all deal with things differently. The main thing is the next time she will! I have no doubt about that! I love you girl!
Kiss away my friend, your prince will come!
Be Well and Be Blessed!
Sometimes you never know where you might meet someone! Being single is so funny sometimes…
Who remembers the Flying Nun? Are you old enough to remember this sitcom? I remember…