Let’s Make a Deal…What are your deal-breakers in a relationship?



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I’ll admit, out of the gate as a new single lady in October 2014…let’s jus say…Stacey had to get her groove back…Yep..Seriously! I had to find out if I could get my “Sexy” back. Was I even attractive anymore in a sexual sense? Did I even know what I was doing? I’m going to just say that getting butt naked in front of someone else after a very long marriage is quite possibly a reason to NOT be single. That alone can cause a panic attack! Or perhaps becoming a nun…take your pick! At the upper range of my 40’s and two children later; this was a daunting thought! I’m just being real…this is one of the scariest parts of dating again…along with the other issues that go along with sex and dating.  So the first 9 months or so out of the gate…let’s just say I learned a lot about myself. I won’t go into details other than to say, I accomplished my goal of finding my groove, lol!  My girlfriends that I met were appalled that at the age of 47 (at the time), I had never been in an Adult Toy Store.  So that was a fun field trip one afternoon! I think I turned 50 shades of red and never laughed so much.  I had no clue! I may or may not have purchased something…I refer to this as my “Year of Crazy”, although not quite a year…but you get the point.

Now that that is out of the way…and I might add I don’t feel a bit bad about Stacey and her new groove. Ladies – love your body and love yourself. I can tell you that self-confidence and loving yourself is probably the sexiest thing a man sees. Big boobs and a nice ass are ok, but long term he wants to see you love your body as much as he does. Trust me on this one! Invest in finding your self confidence! Please!!!!

After this time I began to think I was “ready” to actually figure out what I wanted in a man. If I was going to have another long-term relationship; what were the qualities that I had to have in my future mate.  What are my Deal Breakers? In other words, if a man exhibited a specific quality that was one I could not accept…that was a Deal Breaker.  Trust me…men and women all have them.  I was seeing my counselor after my divorce and she suggested that I make a list of the qualities that I must have in my mate, rank ordered by most important to least important.  She said all were deal breakers to a degree, but my number one Deal Breaker had to be non-negotiable.  She said I am going to find men that check many of the boxes and it’s up to me to see which I am willing to for-go, but know my number one Deal Breaker. And so I wrote my list…My number one was written in all CAPS, circled and highlighted, just like my study notes from college. It was memorized and recited. No way was this ever going to be a negotiable item…

He had everything. He was so smart. That alone got me going! We spoke about chemistry…how hot is that?! He was 6/3″ – not a deal breaker but I loved his height. He was athletic. He volunteered at a local community center for inner-city boys and girls. He loved his family and spoke highly of them. He never raised his voice. He was an amazing conversationalist. We had long phone conversations about anything into the early hours of the morning. But…he did not check the box for my number one Deal Breaker…and I continued with dating him…He was agnostic…He wasn’t sure there was a God…My high-lighted, circled, and ALL CAPS Deal Breaker was someone that believes in God…He did not…

I rationalized that he checked so many other boxes, so maybe I was being too picky. Nobody’s perfect. Who am I to expect that some man is going to fulfill everything that I want him to? But guess what?! This was a dumbass decision. It literally came back to bite me in my ass. The one quality that I needed was so important, that eventually it became clear to me that there was no way in this world I could date someone that didn’t believe in God.

I’m embarrased to even admit to this. Anyone that knows me, knows how spiritual I am.  I talk to God every day of my life. I don’t think a thing happens in my life that God hasn’t put forth for me to make a decision upon. And in this case…I was tested…And I failed miserably…

I’m telling you all of this because I will never make this mistake again! NEVER. NEVER. I repeat…NEVER. NEVER!!! I am too important. God is too important for me not to have a mate that I share this love of Him with.  This is my Deal Breaker. I will not make a deal and Pick Door #2 over Door #1 that has my #1 Deal Breakers. I absolutely am not settling in my second rodeo! I am worth it! And I want YOU to feel you are worth it too! I am sharing this with you, my reader, to ask you to never settle for less than what you want for yourself. I am sharing this with you to be transparent and say to you that I screwed up…more than you will know…and that is an entirely new blog post…ohhh it’s a doozy! But I learned such a valuable lesson that I had to share my experience with settling on my number one Deal Breaker…

What is your Deal Breaker? What can’t you settle for? I’d love to hear them and maybe you will help someone else along the way as they Kiss A Lot of Frogs!

Be well and Be Blessed my friends!

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