I will thank you for reading this post in advance. This was and is a hard subject to write about. But I write this post to help others. I know I am not the only person that has gone through this and won’t be the last. Let us remember that we were all Forgiven and we must all do the same in return.
So on that note, Hello faithful readers!…It’s been a busy time for me on many fronts. I truly apologize for not writing lately…Some of you tell me you look forward to your in-box on Monday morning with your coffee! That’s kind of cool! May was filled with graduation festivities and time with a certain someone…but more for that later! I did manage to write the one post about graduation…If you didn’t read it, here’s the link: http://www.yougottakissalotoffrogs.com/message-graduate-baby/. So I humbly ask for your Forgiveness! So please forgive me! As that is what this post is about…My personal journey with Forgiveness. I’m writing this to all of you because like dating and finding the perfect prince, so is finding True-Blue friendships.
I am not perfect! Duh! Lord knows I have my faults. I thank God everyday for the Forgiveness He gives me so that I can love and be loved. I have been struggling with the idea that God puts people in my life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I’m such a believer that God is in control; but some outcomes I struggle with the Why and sometimes lose that fervor of God’s overall plan. I’m being real. Haven’t you ever felt this way? I hate it! So let me outline where I have journeyed through lately; the evolution of Forgiving and the outcome that has ensued for me and what I have learned.
Recent Losses of Friendship and the Hurt that ensues:
Have you ever had someone you needed to Forgive and couldn’t? Forgive so you could move on…not because you expect anything in return? But because it’s good for you…not them. And of course God has shown us how! He is the ultimate Redeemer! So my struggle exists that I need to Forgive someone that has hurt me to my core, that I gave True-Blue status to. But it’s hard to find those real friends, what I coin the True-Blues. Who you talk about the most intimate details of your life and RARELY say TMI! Who you can’t wait to talk to about their evening escapades when they disappeared, lol! Or why you did? Who you tell to Shut-The-F-Up and then laugh because it’s funny you even say that. Who you call WHENEVER to cry or tell the best news ever. Who you have so many inside jokes you can’t even remember them sometimes! Who you walk into their house without knocking or just text say you are on your way over without an invite. Your kids love them. You consider them family. Your kids know that “she’s your BFF”. That status is True-Blue.Those people…The True-Blues.
You trust this person or persons inherently to be your confidante or ever use that information against you. You never expect this person to break a trust that you have. You expect this person to support you when it’s hard. You never expect this person to hurt your heart.
It’s a true gut-aching hurt I have experienced. Hurt that I will not ever feel is deserved. You see I’m so loyal it’s my fault. Are you loyal? Do you consider this a good trait? Or a trait that gets taken advantage of? God is teaching me a lesson here. I’m so willing to bring people into my life…I’m the local connector. If you become my friend, I will introduce you to all of my friends. I have counted out of all the people that know each-other, most of them know of each because I was the connection. But now, I am the one that is not part of that pack…and that in and of itself is hurtful.
So I can sit and ruminate of all I feel I did for this person. There during a time of their life when they were so low, and I brought them happiness, loyalty, provided a friend when they needed one, blah blah blah. And frankly, they did the same for me. But as I have been thinking about this for too many weeks to count, I realize that sadly most people will disappoint you. My expectations of them to not hurt me…my expectations they would never break our trust…Well…I expected too much. I trusted too hard. My loyalty was too steadfast…but that’s me. I’m not making myself out to be the best person out there…trust me…that is not the case. I’ve done some immature stuff…we all have. But this situation is not of that calibre. I have been waiting and waiting to hear from them, I have asked numerous times for us to clear the air so we can resume our friendship that I so fervently loved.
I was angry. I am angry. Why me? Why am I the friend that is asking for the friendship back…
“People come into our life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know what to do.” -some Google image quote
All I can do is rely on God for this. That is the only way I can grapple to know He has a plan for me. And that is what I am figuring out. All I can do is Forgive them. Forgive them for giving up. Forgive them for hurting me. Forgive them for not allowing our journey to continue.
The sad part is, so much is happening in my life that is amazing…stay tuned!!! But they aren’t part of this and that too makes me sad. But I guess all I can do is Forgive them.
But God is also telling me to not change who I am. Not to let these disappointments change my love of people, my sincere desire to connect others, my loyalty and my own role as someone else’s True-Blue. Because that is what makes me who I am.
So on that note, I am freeing myself of this pain. I have prayed and prayed for this day and it has come. I hope if you are struggling with this issue, you are able to see it’s all God’s plan. He won’t leave us astray. He is our Redeemer.
Be Well and always Be Blessed my friends.
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