Dating Lessons Learned in 2016 as I Kissed A Lot of Frogs



First and foremost, Happy New Year!!! I am sooo excited for this year…so much brewing personally and non-male related! How’s that for starters! But since it’s been a few weeks due to holiday hiatus, I will focus this first post of the new year on my dating and life lessons from 2016. Boy was I bonked over the head!

So here we go folks…

 

 

Heartbreak at any age SUCKS!!! Way before this little blog was even born I was in a serious relationship for close to 9 months. As an aside, whenever I talk about time before one of my daughter’s was born, she tells me life didn’t exist before she was born so I can’t talk about it, LOL! So I hope my blog doesn’t feel badly about the pre-blog reference! Anyway, this was my first “real” love after my marriage. After my time of “finding my groove” and “crazy”, I met someone I wanted to not be “crazy” with, lol. He initiated our break up at the end of June ’16. I was propelled back to the age of 17 on senior skip day at Sylvan Lake in Hopewell Junction, NY; the day before senior prom. I literally felt that same gut-wrenching feeling I felt when I caught my boyfriend making out with another girl…that feeling of wanting to puke all over the place. My heart being ripped out of my body…kind of like they do on Once Upon a Time (anyone watch that?). Yup, at 49 the exact feeling came back around. It took me a few weeks to eat and feel somewhat back to normal…but I did! You’d think I’d give up after that…but…

I can take a licking but keep on ticking!  All of the escapades that I experienced in the span of just a few months after my break-up could make one hang up their hat. Now on-line dating and dating in general is not for everyone. I have a few friends that want nothing to do with meeting a man. But for me, I learned from falling in love again, that I am meant to love and be loved fully. Don’t get me wrong…I can live without a man in my life, but I am honest to say I want to find my soul mate. One of my daughter’s had just returned from her favorite place on earth…Disney … She says to me…

Mom, take a break from the on-line stuff. You can just as easily meet someone in person. Look at me, I just met Mickey Mouse in person and our relationship is fabulous!

LOL! I get her point, but I don’t mind. My same experiences can happen whether meeting someone on-line or in person. I believe God has a plan for me, so I’m going to keep putting myself out there. And with each one that doesn’t work out I learn more and more about myself and what I need/want. I think that is a good thing!

I’ve met some schmucks…As my Jewish Grandmother would say, “What a SCHMUCK!” Yiddish for ASS! But it’s true! Fake Doctor. Scam Artist. Ghost-er. Mommy Issues. Married Men On-line. Married Men in Person! 50 Shades of Grey Dude’s….Just to name a few. Now men…I’m not saying you all are like this…but these are some of the men I have met or spoken to since the summer. I still believe in the fairytale, so I have to believe there are good guys still around! I guess my love for the fairytale has been passed down to my child since she is having a relationship with Mickey Mouse!

I will not settle…THIS. IS. HUGE! Seems easy, right?! It’s not that simple side-line quarterbacks! I learned a big lesson here. There was one man I didn’t think my number one deal breaker mattered because other things were in place…Well, not really!! This was Fake Doctor!!! However, what I learned from this is that God didn’t allow this relationship to continue because I was not relying on my number one deal breaker to take precedent. So not only did I learn to never settle on a deal-breaker I have set for myself,  but I truly feel God intervened so that this relationship didn’t progress. I also settled on some things in my relationship that broke my heart.  The feeling of being in love superceded some things that really weren’t compatable between the two of us. Yet, I wanted it to work out so badly because I wanted to be loved and be in love. I now know that I was settling there as well. Ladies….this is such a big deal. If we are looking for forever after, we have to make sure that we are honest with ourselves with what we want. Not to say we will get things 100%, but to push what we need under the rug does no one good, especially you.

We all make mistakes...I know…seems obvious! But don’t we wish we were all perfect?…Well we can try, right?! Recently I had to admit that something that I did hurt someone else. In the process of my own self-evaluation, I learned that this individual also did something which ultimately impacted what I did, so in turn, hurt me…I know, it sounds confusing…but I had to decide whether or not to let this go and have a very honest dialogue with this person (which I rarely have a problem with..yikes!). I felt that if we could both forgive one another, we could discuss why each of us acted in the manner we did, and perhaps put it behind us. And we have. The point is, it’s easy to throw stones…if I told you some of this you wouldn’t believe what ensued. But I had to let it go because we both were at fault. It may seem easy to do this…but it isn’t. Especially when it’s someone you may date. What I learned most of all is I wanted to forgive and move on. I wanted to clear the air, admit my wrong doing and in the process, be apologized to as well. If all that happened, I was 100% ok with letting it go and moving forward.  A younger, more stubborn me in my prior life would not have been as gracious. I like that I have grown in this respect. I feel mored “growed-up” and at peace.

My Tribe is Amazeballs! The common thread that was woven throughout all of 2016 aside from my family, was my my Tribe. Family is a given…they are your blood, they have your back. But friends…some come and go…loyalty is so hard to find, especially as a grown woman. But I hit the jackpot this year. My Tribe showed up and man did they have my back. The day of my break-up all I needed to do was make a phone and in a nano-second my friend was holding me up. The night I realized Fake Doctor was just that, my two girlfriends and I sat on my back porch talking and talking about how this could have happened and how it affected me. My BFFL of ten years has held my hand and supported me in ways that I can’t ever repay her. Another friend bought me flowers and this annoying little mouse that keeps saying, “I like you, I like you”…I had to finally turn it off! These women know who they are… They show up, they call me, they celebrate with me, they cry with me, they workout with me, they support me spiritually.  But most importantly…they LOVE ME. I am so blessed with the women that have become part of my fiber. I often sit back and have to pinch myself that my life is my life…meaning it’s soooo good…I love my life and it’s REAL. And it feels amazing.

I encourage you to take inventory of what you learned this past year, or even week or month. It’s so good to realize what you have learned, how far you have come and where you need to improve.

Even with some of the mis-haps in dating this past year,  I know I never meet Prince Charming, I will be OK.  But I am going to keep on kissing the froggies because I truly believe I have too much to give and God has a man that wants to receive my love and for me to receive theirs.

Thank you to all that have supported me in the crazy blogging adventure. Please subscribe if you haven’t already!

Be Well and Be Blessed!

 

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